大笨蛋，你想当第三者哦？

为什么我想把你忘了，可是你却一次又一次的踏进我的心，让我胡思乱想.
为什么你要把我的人生，弄得那么痛苦?
黄权毅！难道你是一个冷血动物吗!?!?!?
失去你的日子不好过，我还是一样勉强的，做我的最棒.
我不希望你把我当玩具来玩.
需要的时候，爱不释手. 不需要的时候，却把我忘得一干二净的.
你有你的人生，我也有我的.
把你当成空气的我，终于在短短的两个月里不靠空气活着.
不管遇到什么困难，什么危险，什么痛苦，都自己解决.
可是，当我看到有女生对你有兴趣，为什么整个人，失去知觉?
为什么我会感到无比的痛苦?
更可笑的事，我竟然祝福你快乐，幸福.
我为何要当第三者? 我为何那么笨!?!?!?
说永远不会离开，让我孤单的黄权毅在那里!?!?!?
为什么你那么不守信用? 为什么?
我把我的相信，我的祝福，我的信心，我的希望都放在这段感情里.
你把我的所有，毁了.
你只跟我说 ：对不起.
对不起这三个字，算得了什么?!?!
对不起能把我的信心夺回来吗?
对不起能让我复会我的希望吗?
对不起对不起对不起! 我最讨厌了!
我相信你，我相信你那么做，是有你自己的理由.
可是，当我越沉迷这个相信，我就会开始觉得我还有机会.
但每个人都知道，是不可能的事了.
和你在一起，是我活着15年来，最痛快，最快乐的日子.
到最后，你还是选择放弃我们所拥有的一切.
谢谢你，在这239天，当了疼爱我男朋友人，当了照顾我的一位哥哥，当了一位肯帮我的朋友.

I do NOT regret.

Quan doesn't check the blog often.

So, its 'kind of' nice in a way that I can write whatever I hide and whatever I like.

I think I'm going mad. Well, its a theory.

Anyways, here's how the story goes.

I can't get mad at you. Not anymore.

It's like I've been crushed, pummeled, stepped on too many times. Its not your fault, don't worry.

I mean, all I can do is just hope. I know it's not the smartest thing to do, but it's the only thing I can DO.

Seeing you smile, is like seeing someone dead coming back to life that brings so much joy, leaving that person breathless.

You can't imagine how much time I spend infront of the laptop, staring and waiting for your smile. Just like waiting for rain in the drought.

Seeing you in dreams will always leave a smile on my face.

I've always dreamt of seeing you happy, holding my hands. Old memories.

Gah! Stupid tears! Eeeeeee... >

*Breathes hard*

Think I'll be fine. Hope so.

My ribs aren't fully recovered yet. Hopefully they will.

It's getting late, I'll continue some other time. Nights =)

8.8.09

The day that i realised that, I did something really selfish in my life.

I was selfish all this time. I just didn't notice it.

I'm so sorry.

If I have noticed it sooner, everything would have been perfect.

I hope you would forgive me. I really do hope so.

You are everything to me. My life, heart and soul.

As I looked back to all the messages you've sent me, I had tears all over my face.

During my exam month, you were so supportive.

You did everything you could just to make me happy.

You tried so hard that you hurt yourself in the end.

You spend almost every single moment you had with me.

And I was so selfish that I wanted more from you.

I judged you. I cried. It was all my fault.

And yet, you still comforted me in any way you could think of.

You wanted me to get good grades in my exams. Because you and I both know we think a lot.

I couldn't sit for an exam if I were sad.

You called me every night to make sure I'm alright.

I'm such a stupid little girl.

During you exams, all I did was complain.

I've never realise it until today.

How can I do such a thing? You are the most important person in my life.

I would trade anything to make things right.

I could have lost you. Like dandilions blown by the wind.

You knew everything I knew. We both feel the same.

I need to understand you better.

I need to.

I have to.

No one said long distance relationship was easy. I took that risk.

And I'll take it over again even if I had to.

I want to be your best support. Not because of who I am to you.

It's for who I want to be for you.

I believed that nothing between us will change. And nothing will.

Not even for some girl.

I'll try the best I can for you.

I really will.

I'm sorry that I didn't see this sooner. I really am.

I hope you would forgive me, and I promise in exchange, giving you the best support.

For one simple reason: I love you.

What can I do?

Gah, its been long since I've blogged.

I blog when I'm sad you know.

I don't blog when I'm SUPER SAD. That's a different story.

Super sad makes me cry and choke.

That is why I can't blog. Tears would be all over my laptop.

Anyways, life's been hard. Well, a tiny bit perhaps.

The thing is, I don't have a choice.

My life is incomplete.

I hate going to school. I repeat, hate.

I can't feel the joy of being with friends.

Not completely. I'm just not very happy.

I always did wonder where I belonged.

I knew I belonged with you, but probably you're too busy to notice.

Darn, hate it when I cry.

Sigh.. I'm just hopeless.

I never got to pick, I never had a choice.

I didn't want you to go, I hope you'll stay forever.

But, you still left.

You have family outings, and its okay.

I don't really mind.

You wish to go out with your friends.

Can I say no?

It would be selfish of me to do that.

I have no choice.

If I start about how sad I am, you'll probably say you're trying very hard.

What can I do? I can't talk back to you.

I'll just get on with it and reply with "okay".

I really am lost.

I know it's hard for you. What about me?

You say you love me, but why hurt the person you love?

Or you're saying it for the sake of saying.

Or maybe you don't love me at all.

I confessed to you because I love you and wish to be together.

For the minute i knew you were moving to Australia, my heart sank.

I had to tell you. How I felt about you.

Even if it was rejection, it's okay.

I know I won't get another chance.

I rather cherish it than blew it.

Love isn't easy. You need guts and a rasional thinking ( that's for me).

If you don't feel the same way, its okay.

Because I know how it's like to love someone.

小小动作?

权，最近还好吗?

你很久没写部落格了哦...

没关系啦, 知道你有很多事情做...

所以不烦你...

我不想哭呢...

只是有时真的没办法...

你知道为什么我要你开Facebook吗?

我想要你陪我啊！

我要大家知道我有个好男友 ^^

我慢慢后悔了...

有时写东西给你，你不回我...

很多次了呢...

可能你没发觉吧?

而且，你没写上你有女朋友...

当我帮你放了你在感情中...

有个朋友还马上回答你...

‘啊?和谁啊?’

我很想哭呢...

原来，没人知道哦...

你在澳洲是单身哦...

我是那么令人丢脸吗?

我真的是那么大的秘密吗?

谈天完了...

你得FB还在开...

你可以回复别人写给你的东西...

可是，那么快就跟我说再见了...

我连谈天都没资格吗?

还是跟我聊天很闷?

或许，你觉得这些小动作很无聊...

但对我来说是无比的幸福...

我知道我哪里都比不上人...

我知道我不有钱，

我知道我不聪明，

我知道我不漂亮...

我知道你对我很好了...

可是，我就希望你在对我好那么一点点...

就这么一点点，

我真的，真的很满足了...

你好忙哦...

功课很多吧?

你辛苦吗?

钢琴... 弹得好吗?

好久已经没好好和你谈天了...

天气，冷吗?

不要生病哦...

虽然，我觉得孤单...

不过，没关系的...

我没事... =)

努力读书哦...

考好成绩...

不明白的地方，记得问朋友...

我，帮不了什么...

我只能乖乖的... 不给你带来麻烦...

你知道吗?

我哭... 其实是很普通罢了...

没事的...

我看我还是不多说了...

多说，对你没好处...

我忍得到的...

相信我...

晚安哦...

=)

其实，我很笨...

又在傻傻等你了...

坐在电脑面前好久了...

不过，没关系啦...

知道你忙...

不用理我的...

反正，我不能给意见的...

我只能乖乖听话吧?

不管我有多乖...

你都看不见...

我看得到你的啊...

你很努力呢...

很听父母的话...

很乖的读书...

所以，我只是像在给你带来麻烦而以...

我...

我没关系的啦...

我再努力看看...

或许，

我还不够明白...

我再试试看...

可能，有一天你真的能看到吧?

你不孤单哦...

我也一样陪你一起努力!

我啊，

每次都对自己说...

你要乖哦，要听权的话...

他为了你，很辛苦也...

看到他，要对他笑...

多痛苦，多伤心，都一定要哦!

要明白权的心情，要明白...

你懂吗，

昨天看了你跟那个女生的对话...

我为你开心也...

你们俩人...

谈的也蛮好的嘛...

跟我们比起来...

好多了... =)

虽然我比较爱胡思乱想...

睡觉也会感到害怕，怕梦到那些女生...

不过，我也还是一样乖乖的...

看到你都对你笑...

我不会让你感到和我在一起很辛苦...

这样，你会看到我吧?